My kryptonite

Why can’t you love me?

Did our past together traumatize you so much that you decided to do everything in your power to purposely hurt me?

Did she hurt you so much that you forgot how to treat others?

Did she drain all the life and kindness that was left in you?

Is the way you treat me how you use to treat her?

Do you still love her?

Do you still love me?

How is it possible to love someone and still act as if their life has no place or value in yours?

You could have left me alone if all you were going to do was break down the strong individual I’m currently trying to build.

You could have left me alone if all you were going to do was make me cry out to god and beg him to make you love me.

You could have left me alone if all you were going to do was fuck and then ignore me.

How could someone who use to be “my person” turn around and make me force myself to hate them just so I can’t be hurt anymore?

All I want to do is love you and have our 6+ years of love blossom into an empire.

You wanted that too, or maybe you lied.

Maybe you just wanted the familiar sex since casual sex isn’t your thing.

Maybe you wanted the familiar vibe since new people isn’t your thing.

Maybe you wanted to feel love without reciprocating the same emotions.

Maybe you wanted a relationship without the maintenance.

Maybe you were just bored and Takisha was around…

I wanted to grow with you but you made me hate myself for loving you more than I love my own life and sanity.

You didn’t take my cries seriously then and you definitely don’t take them seriously now.

So I’ll ask again…

Why can’t you love me when all I want do is show you that this can work?

Why can’t you love me when my actions match what I say to you?

Why can’t you tend to the wounds that you reopened in me the way I’m trying to tend to yours?

Why can’t you grow with me?

Why can’t you see the potential in me… the potential in this?

Am I too damaged now?

Im not the same pure little girl I use to be and that probably bothers you.

I never had sex until you showed me.

I never boxed until you taught me.

I never truly loved until you showed me

I never had a mind of my own until I saw how beautiful yours is.

You use to think for me when I was too shy and lazy to think for myself.

Now that I have a brain..

A strong brain that doesn’t let anyone control her.

You would sit here and tell me through text that “I’ve changed and I’m not the same person you knew and loved”.

What you missed and loved about me was how obedient I was.

How easily broken I was..

How “moldable” I was..

How dependent I was on you.

Now I’m stronger

Still easy to hurt especially by you.

But I’m stronger.

Im firmer.

Im less “moldable” unless I want to be molded.

Im less dependent on you.

No matter how much I want and love you I do not need you and I will never need you.

You were the one who taught me how to manage on my own since you stopped coming around.

So thank you for being my strength and my weakness.

But I have to stop loving you more than I love myself.

Especially when your showing me you can’t love me.